Leave the mushrooms to soak while you have a bath and read Wired. Image by ex.libris
On dark chilly evenings like this, I like to whip up a hearty, filling risotto for the family. There’s something quintessentially autumnal about mushrooms and high-budget US-acquired drama series, and this is a satisfying dinner for carnivores and veggies alike. Here’s how you make it.
First, open a packet of mixed dried mushrooms. You want the ones with wild field mushrooms rather than the oriental types of mushrooms, and will probably need half a packet. Whack these in a bowl with some warm water.
While the mushies are soaking, join in by opening a bottle of white wine and taking a large glass of it with you into the bath (you can’t beat Radox – they know what they’re doing). Take the November issue of Wired with you and check out the ‘Pass it on’ article. Simmer over the golden rules of social network-based entrepreneurial brilliance outlined in the article, and then realise that there is only one rule of social network-based entrepreneurial brilliance, and that’s to have an obviously genius idea that nobody else has thought of yet. Try to think of one on the spot.
Image of Wired magazine, in a bathroom.
Cheer yourself up by laughing at the ridiculous full-page photo in Zest Magazine of a happy model jumping into an outdoor swimming pool in the middle of snow-covered mountains wearing – yes, a tiny bikini, and also….. furry boots!
- By now, your kids will be asleep and your boyfriend/flatmate/life partner will be engrossed in Modern Warfare II (despite the new rules about dedicated servers), and nobody really cares any more whether you make this thing or not, but you’ve started so, get your arse out of that bath and get back into the kitchen.
- Arborio rice
- Dried wild mushrooms
- Fresh chestnut mushrooms
- Zest Magazine
- Wired Magazine
- Bottle of white wine
- Tonight’s episode of True Blood (substitute with any episode available)
- Chicken stock
- First episode of Cast Offs
- 1 red onion
- Some garlic
- Bacon
- Eggs
- Oven chips (vegetarian option)
Ok, finely chop a red onion and plenty of garlic, and sauté them in butter and a splash of olive oil over a low heat, then add Arborio rice and chopped fresh chestnut mushrooms. Cook for a few minutes, stirring continuously, and then add a big glassful of white wine. Any wine left over from this point on is yours for the drinking.
Boots in a pool - bikini in the snow - detail from Zest magazine
The dried mushrooms that you’ve been soaking should be nice and springy now. Grab a handful of them and squeeze them over the pan of risotto. The juices that dribble out over your hand will give your risotto extra mushroomy flavour, and make you feel like Nigella Lawson for a moment. Chop the mushrooms, and add them to the pan, along with the rest of the mushroom liquor from the bowl.
By now, the risotto should be simmering away. Time to whack in a load of chicken stock and go leave it to bubble away while you watch True Blood. With any luck you’ll see the crazy scene when Bill drags himself out of the ground naked to seduce his beau in the graveyard. In any case, you’ll be thoroughly entertained by an hour of thoughtful and slickly-made sexy shock drama and will start to wonder why we’re so incapable of this kind of entertainment in the UK?
Save your risotto just before it sticks to the bottom of the pan by taking it off the heat and adding salt, pepper and lots of grated parmesan. Serve with crispy grilled bacon and a poached egg, or if you’re vegetarian, stick some oven chips on to go with it. Done.
Don’t give up on UK TV drama just yet though – remember that you recorded that first episode of Cast Offs last night, the brainchild of one of the Skins writers, which promised to be “groundbreaking”, and stick that on while you eat your dinner. Pretty soon you will realise that Cast Offs is a dreary disabled Lost. But your risotto will be damn fine. Enjoy.
To make Wild Seasonal Wild Mushroom and Vampire Risotto you will need:
Total preparation and cooking time, about 2 hours.
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